09 February 2015

How To Be Happy.

HI! 

So I was meant to post on Friday, but due to my potential dying, I decided to take a health break, but I'm back! Anyway, excuse the incredibly trite, self-helpy title. Basically, this post is gonna start out not-so cheerful, but hopefully by the end you'll be feeling SUPER CHEERFUL. At least, that's the aim.

I've mentioned before about my struggle with depression here and here, and if you wanna read those first, have at it, I'll wait here.
After I was diagnosed, my Doctor put me on some anti-depressants, which worked in a sense. I didn't feel depressed necessarily, but I didn't actually feel anything in general. I felt like I was floating in a weird haze of confusion and befuddlement, and then they stopped working for me altogether. After that I went to talk to someone, and talking to someone and actively trying to make the difference to my mental health changed everything for me. The woman I saw encouraged me to make a plan to try and change how I thought about myself and the world around me. SO, having said all that here are my tips for being happier! Please keep in mind, I am not a psychiatrist, a trained professional, or someone who really knows what they are talking about at all, but I am someone who knows how it feels to be really fucking sad, so hopefully I can help you if you're feeling sad.

Here goes!

Surround yourself with good people.
Alright, this seems like a fairly obvious one, but it goes beyond just surrounding yourself with good people, it also means cutting out the bad. Which sounds cold, but when it comes to your happiness, do what you need to do. I am surrounded by the best family, friends and fiancé that I could ask for and I am incredibly lucky to have them and their support. Not everyone is as lucky. If there are people around you who second guess you at every turn, who make you feel inferior in every way, talk to them and tell them how you feel. If that fails, cut that out of your life. It's hard, but at the end of the day, your health has to come first.

Be Grateful.
This is one I struggled with. I'd forever look at myself and hate bloody everything. I'd look at the people who loved me and think it wasn't enough, that I wan't enough. And, yeah, I was acting like a massive tool. So be grateful for what you have, take a moment to be thankful everyday, and tell the people around you how much you love them.


Remember the Good Stuff.
This, again, seems fairly obvious (as will most of these) but putting them into practice can be incredibly difficult. I used to finish up a day, and have everything be fantastic except for one tiny thing, and that one thing was enough to knock me sideways. I would only concentrate on that one thing and forget all the good stuff. My mum, after I was diagnosed and the tablets weren't working, encouraged me to write down 3 good things every single day, just to remind myself that there is good in every day. Take a moment at the end of everyday to list at least 3 good things that happened. It'll be hard at the start, but it'll make you feel better actively looking for the good in the day.

Be Positive.
This links up nicely to the one above. I used to start the day dreading it and just waiting for something to go wrong, which meant inevitably, something would go tits up because I was almost willing it to, just to justify my feelings. Instead of waking up and thinking everything is going to go to shit, I try to wake up and think of something positive for the day, even if it's just one thing. If you approach things with a positive attitude, it makes the day a little easier to go by. And it generally makes you a better person to chill with! 
Do what makes you happy.
I wasted a lot of time doing things I didn't like, like a degree that I kind of loathed, because I thought that's what I had to do. Wasting my time doing that meant I couldn't do the stuff I loved, like writing, photography, talking to my friends and family. So, don't get distracted by the stuff that you don't want to do, set aside some time everyday to do the stuff you love. Listen to the music you love, dance like a maniac, watch films that make you laugh and cry and laugh with your friends and family until you think your head might explode.

Don't compare yourself.
I'll admit, this is one I'm still battling with. I'll see my family and friends around me succeeding and doing so well, and I'm so proud of them, but there's always a little part of me that thinks 'why can't that be me?'. If you ever find yourself doing this STOP IT NOW. I am yelling at me as much as I am yelling at you! What I've tried to train myself to do everytime I find myself comparing my life to someone else's, is remembering all the fabulous things I have going for me. My life might not be exactly like someone else's, but that isn't to say that my life isn't wonderful in it's own way!

Find the Good in Yourself.
This, for me, is still the hardest one. I can find good in anything and everyone if I try hard enough, but finding the good in myself is much harder, or accepting that other people see good in me. My Mum used to make me say one good thing about myself everyday and it was a bloody struggle. Which, I guess, is part of the reason my depression got so bad; if you can't find any good in yourself, how can you tell if something's gone bad? To me, everything was bad. So I've tried to change how I react to any compliments or nice things people say. Instead of outright rejecting it and running away, arms flailing, I say 'Thanks!', which sounds super easy, but was, and is, very difficult for me! So, if you're struggling to find happiness in yourself, pay yourself a compliment instead of running yourself down. You'll be amazed the difference it can make. You might not believe yourself the first time you do it, I know I didn't, but the more you do it, the more you'll believe that you are AWESOME. 

Talk to Someone.
If you are feeling sad and alone, the best thing in the world you can do for yourself is to talk to someone. If it were acceptable, I would run through the streets begging people to talk to each other about how they feel! Holding your feelings in just makes it worse, it makes you miserable and secretive and you convince yourself no-one will listen. That is not true! As soon as I told my big sister how I felt, it was as if a great bloody weight had been lifted and I could breathe, because now someone knew how I felt. Talking through things with people makes it so much easier to face your feelings, because at least then you aren't alone.
                                  
These are all things I've trained myself to do over time, it's taken me a long time, and there have been many setbacks on the way, but for the first time in a long time, I am happy in myself and who I am. I'm not a professional by any stretch, but I do know what it's like to feel like you'll never be happy so I hope these tips helped in some small way. If you are feeling sad or depressed, please talk to someone, or see your Doctor or contact Mind, who are a Mental Health Charity that can give you the info and help you need.

Alright, I'll leave it there for tonight! I hope you're all well. Don't forget, you can find me on Facebook at Becca Button or Twitter here OR my Instagram here! All the links! I'll chat to you on Wednesday.

Be happy and be kind,
Becca xo

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