05 August 2013

About insane career choices...


So, currently I am meant to be doing Uni work. I am not. Obviously. I'm finishing off my degree in English at Queen's in Belfast, and it is dragging painfully. I was meant to be finished like AGGGEEESSS ago, but for painful reasons I have not. I feel like said reasons might be a bit heavy to go into on a 2nd blog post. I just don't know you well enough, strange and faceless interwebs! Maybe if you buy me some wine we can talk about it.

Anywho. Yes, uni work. I have many essays to be doing. Many, seemingly neverending essays, and yet here I am. I think the problem is that I really hate my degree. Don't get me wrong, I love English. I love literature, I love reading and I (obviously) love writing, but it isn't what I wanted to do. I've known since I was old enough to know, that I have always wanted to do something in film. Studying the meaning of T.S. Eliot's 'The Wasteland' wasn't going to help me on that path, it was just going to make my life SO CONFUSING for a while. 

When I was younger, I spent 75% of my time pretending to be someone else. I'd make my baby sister act out the supporting roles in my incredibly, and increasingly ridiculous dramas. I was to be the best at EVERYTHING. Obviously trying to compensate hahaha. For a while I'd say I wanted to be a Doctor (I never did, but it was more socially acceptable than 'MOVIE STAR!') but that quickly faded after I found out that needles were common tools. Apparently, closing your eyes and jabbing them in is NOT an appropriate doctor-ing method. Who knew?!

So here we stand now. 24 and baffled about what to do once I am free from uni. The problem with my career choice, is that I know EXACTLY what I want to do, but that said choice is near impossible. Think of how many aspiring actors there are out there, desperately trying to convince people that they are worth their attention. Think of how many successful female writers there are compared to men! They are tough situations to think of. And as someone who spends a lot of time in someone else's reality, it is particularly tough to think of these situations as part of MY reality. 

I have so many ideas, some of which I can FEEL are good ideas. In a society obsessed with remakes and sequels and quick ways to make money, you'd think they'd be crying out for original ideas! It's just a shame that you have to know a guy, who knows a guy to even find out someone's name. 

I spend a lot of time wishing I would be happy in any other career, in any kind of job, but until I try I don't think I'll ever be fully satisfied. The other problem with said career choice is that I've always been too...embarrassed I guess, to tell people this is what I want to do. People generally think you're a little insane, and I don't blame them, it really is insane! I think I'm insane! It'd be nice for it not to be insane though, for it to be something that anybody with an imagination could do. Because let's be honest, in a lot of recent Hollywood films, imagination has been lacking. We don't need a remake of a film made 6 years ago, we need something new, and I want to be part of that.

Peace out. 


Motherhood, films, beauty, and life



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